Searching
by Lifeshandful
Summary: AU - Post season 6. Gabby searches out the past to figure out her future. One- Shot


**Searching**

Gabby smiled as she climbed out of the cab and found herself stood in front of the Mills' family diner in Wilmington, North Carolina. She had been sat in the airport ready to depart Puerto Rico and head home to Chicago, however she found herself thinking about Peter Mills' and his open ended invitation to her as he left Chicago whilst they stood in the middle of the street outside of Molly's. _"Things ever go south for you here, or you decide you're looking for a change, you know where to find me."_ Chicago was her home, had been her home, but she had lost a lot, left a lot. She left her job, her family, and her husband, Matt. There had been times in the last few months that she had found herself lost in her thoughts, moments of missing all that Chicago gave her, was to her, but there was so much damage and heartache there that she wasn't ready to go back, to return. She pushed the door open and walked in, her smile grew even wider as she saw the familiar figure behind the counter with his back to her. She scanned the diner, glad that it was seemingly quiet for the time of day. It was homely. She crossed the small distance and took a seat at the counter with Mills' back right in front of her.

"Peter Mills." She said just loud enough for him to hear. She watched as he turned around and a stunned disbelieving expression crossed his face before his shock gave way to his happiness. "Gabriela Dawson… what are you doing here?" He asked still in disbelief that she was sat in front of him, sat in his diner in North Carolina. He quickly made his way around the counter and wrapped his arms firmly around her in a hug, feeling as she embraced him back and relaxed against him.

"Thought I'd take you up on that offer you made me all those years ago." She answered once he pulled away and headed back behind the counter, giving him a small shrug of her shoulders as if it wasn't extraordinary or anything.

"Well I'm glad you did. We have a lot to catch up on. But first, you need to eat so what can I get you?" He smiled figuring there was a reason for her visit, and it wasn't all good.

"Whatever the chef recommends." She answered with a laugh knowing he would challenge her to guess the ingredients in whatever he had cooked; food and cooking was their connection, had been all those years ago and somehow it still was.

"One chef's special coming up." He replied as he put a large cup of coffee in front of her still remembering the way she took it before he disappeared into the back to make her something.

Gabby watched as the kitchen door swung closed before she took another good look around the diner, smiling at the place. She stopped at the wall of pictures and articles, her eyes landing on the Mills' family photo with Peter in the middle with his mother, Ingrid, and his sister, Elise, on either side of him in front of the diner that she now sat in which must have been taken on their opening day. She turned her attention back to Mills' as she could see him in the kitchen, just as he looked up at her, their eyes meeting and both smiling at each other. Gabby knew their past was a chequered one, she was sure some of the pain she had caused him had left scars and still lingered, she knew it did for her. But being here, in North Carolina, in the diner, seeing him, bought a realisation that he made the right choice for himself.

Peter looked at Gabby, really looked at her, and silently wondered what had happened to make her seek him out, not that he was complaining but he was worried. He never expected her to take him up on his offer, never expected to see her again, not after he left her standing outside of Molly's. Admittedly, unashamedly, he had a lot of questions that he wanted to ask, but he also was very aware that he couldn't push Gabby to answer, that she had sought him out, not the other way around.

"Gabby?" His mothers, Ingrid's voice broke him out of his revelry, seeing the two women hugging.

"Mrs Mills." Gabby replied in greeting as she pulled out of the hug that she had been engulfed in immediately that had pulled her out of her silent revelry. He left the two women to make small talk whilst he finished up the meal he was cooking for her.

 **Chicago Fire**

Gabby pushed the now empty plate away, having eaten largely in silence as just sends after Peter had put the plate in front of her, the mid-morning rush had started, and clearly business was booming if the mid-morning rush had been any indication. She had forgotten how amazing his cooking was, and she hadn't realised just how hungry she was. She looked up as Peter appeared in front of her with a knowing smile.

"Want to get out of here? Go for a walk?" He asked already stripping himself of the apron that he was wearing.

"Sure as long as you aren't needed here." She replied cautiously not wanting to take him away if he was needed.

"Mom and Elise have got it. Come on." He replied as he held his hand out for her to take which she did as she stood up from the stool.

They walked out into the mild air and fell into step with each other, Gabby moved her hand from his, up to his inner elbow and held onto him. They walked slowly as if they had all the time in the world and it felt like they did. Gabby looked at all the new sites that city had to offer whilst Peter looked at her, neither felt the particular need to talk in that moment although both were aware they would have a lot to catch up on.

 **Chicago Fire**

Gabby smiled as they came to a stop at a fountain in a nearby park, both leaning against the railing.

"Not that I don't love having you here already but do you want to tell me what bought on this trip?" Peter asked as it looked like Gabby had the weight of the world on her shoulders. He was still in tune with her, being able to read her. The years apart hadn't changed some things it would seem.

"I was on my way back from Puerto Rico, I've been doing relief work there after the hurricane… I was sitting at the airport to head back to Chicago but then I decided to come and see you." Gabby answered eventually, very pointedly avoiding calling Chicago 'home' as it didn't feel like it now.

"Puerto Rico? With the CFD?" He asked sensing she wasn't ready to delve into why she was in North Carolina, with him, just yet.

"Yes with the CFD. A bunch of medics went over to help out, provide aid, help treat those still in need. It went beyond the medical though. A lot of people are still suffering, and there is a marked increase in airborne illnesses like asthma since the hurricane." She answered telling him the basics, not wanting to tell some of the more harrowing sights that she had witnessed.

"I bet Fifty-One are waiting for you." He broached the subject with tact but the overwhelming curiosity was getting to him.

"I resigned from my post at Fifty-One before I left. I'm not going back there." She answered knowing it would only lead to more questions but answering those questions was also helping her think about the things that she had yet to decide on. Maybe a sounding board was what she needed, and she had searched that out subconsciously by travelling to North Caroline, and finding Peter Mills.

"There goes my chance to catch up on all the firehouse gossip." He smiled at her giving her the reprieve that she needed, albeit briefly. "I never thought I'd see the day that you weren't at Fifty-One in some capacity or another." He stated with a tinge of sadness as he knew how much she loved what she did, loved the firehouse family, and he knew how hard she had fought and worked for her positions as the paramedic in charge and then a member of Truck 81.

"Fifty One has too many memories now for me… Matt and I, we got married and then I left him, left for Puerto Rico… I've lost two children… I lost my best friend when she was murdered in that warehouse. I have hurt a lot of people, left a wake of destruction behind me…" It all came rushing out, there was no filter, and Gabby seemed just as shocked by her words as Peter did.

"So, have you thought what you are going to do next then? Cause, I could always use some competition in the kitchen at the diner to create new items for the daily specials." He knew she wouldn't want to talk about her blindsiding confession of all that went wrong just yet as he recovered quickly and moved to talk about her future plans, if she had any at all. Truthfully his offer was genuine as he had missed being in the kitchen and having small competitions with her.

"I didn't even know I was going to be in North Carolina five hours ago, let alone what I'm doing in the next five hours." She smiled grateful for the leeway that he was giving her after all that she had just said, and sure he would have questions, anyone would, but she was grateful that she wasn't being pressed to answer them now.

"Well then I'd say we have all the time in the world. And I reckon we should begin by getting ice cream." He smiled widely figuring keeping things light and simplistic was the new order for the rest of the day.

"Really?" She smiled as she looked at him.

"Really, now come on." He answered as he grabbed her hand, and she let him lead their way over to the ice cream parlour.

 **Chicago Fire**

Gabby glanced over at Peter from her position on his couch as he walked towards her with a fresh bottle of wine and two glasses. It was easy to remember in that moment why she had fallen for the man in front of her, his caring nature, and his ability to smile that never failed to make the person receiving it feel better. It was clear to her that in the time since he had left Chicago and Firehouse Fifty-One, he had grown up, matured, and was loving the life he had built for himself.

"Here we go." Peter said as he handed her a full wine glass then picked up his own and sat down next to her.

"Thanks… Were you serious about your offer today?" She asked as she gratefully accepted the glass of wine.

"Which offer was that?" He asked knowing she had already accepted his offer to stay for as long as she wanted at his house in the spare bedroom.

"The offer of helping at the diner, coming up with daily specials." She asked having thought about it since he said it, and the more she thought about it, the better it sounded and felt for her. She wasn't ready to go back to Chicago, she had done all she could in Puerto Rico, and she didn't want to jump back into anything heavy or emotionally draining. What she wanted was simple, and right now his offer, both of his offers, were the simplicity that she needed, that she craved.

"I'm not going to pass up an opportunity to have Gabriela Dawson cooking, or competing against me." He answered seeing her smile grow.

"Well then Peter Mills, offer accepted." She replied as she held out her glass, letting them clink their glasses together in a silent toast, and agreement of acceptance.

"I've missed this." He stated in earnest.

"So have I." She replied because the truth was she had missed him, missed the easiness that existed between them, and the way he challenged her.

"Tell me something, anything." He said after a few minutes of relaxing silence knowing she had a lot to get out. He sensed there was so much that she had never verbalised and that she needed too, and he was willing to be her sounding board.

"Puerto Rico wasn't just about helping the people there, it was my way of running away from everything. I did a good thing in Puerto Rico, I did, but the personal cost was higher than I thought it would ever be. I made the choice, I chose to leave, but I didn't think about the lasting impact, the damage… But do you know what's worse, as much as I hate the damage I created, I left behind, I don't regret leaving and I don't regret ending up here. I wasn't going to change who I was, who I am. I was willing to accept the risk, it was my risk, and I was prepared to accept it… But do you know what I realised that I don't think it was ever going to work, not long term, because I'm not a dependent person and he needed that, he needs that." Gabby let more information spill, her thoughts and feelings spilling out.

"Sometimes we need to put space in between the things we love the most in order to see the bigger picture, to work out what we want for ourselves." He spoke philosophically leaving it open to interpretation given that she had not given him specific details although he could read between the lines and connect the dots well enough to know who she was referring to.

"Is that what you did?" She asked, his words peeking her curiosity.

"Yes. Leaving Chicago, starting fresh here, gave me a new perspective, I got to see things differently. It let me disentangle everything, let me figure out who I was without the pull of history, and what I wanted… No one should have everything figured out, nothing is perfect…" He told her honestly. His identity had been so wrapped up in his father's memory, in the idealised picture of who he believed the man was, and by trying his earnest to honour the legacy he had created, he was doing a disservice to himself and to his future.

"Do you miss it though?" She asked, although she wasn't entirely sure what she was asking he missed considering he had left so much behind in Chicago.

"There are things I miss, of course, but I also know that some of those things were the ones that bought me down. Do I miss the job? No but I miss the adrenalin rush. Do I miss the people? Yes, it was a second family. Do I regret leaving? Honestly, I don't, I made the choice and I know now that I made the right one… And how many people can say they got to do everything in a career as short as mine – Truck, Squad and Paramedic at the greatest firehouse in Chicago." He told her seeing her nod occasionally as he spoke.

"I thought we had it all figured out, we had this plan. And I wanted to give him the one thing he wanted more than anything else in the world, the thing we both wanted, but one little utterance of a percentage, ten percent, and suddenly everything that he wanted changed, suddenly the thing that had us united tore us apart. I didn't want to lose another child, to watch another child hold someone else's hand and to say goodbye again. It broke my heart both times. I thought, I expected him to understand but he couldn't see past that damned percentage. He couldn't see that there was a ninety percent chance that it would all be alright. Then everything spiralled and suddenly it was like everything we had known was lost. I had the right to choose, and I wanted to take the risk because it was worth it." The pain was clear in her voice as she fought to keep her emotions under control; she had not spoken to anyone apart from Matt about this particular matter, about the thing that tore them apart. She let out a deep breathe then finished off her glass of wine in one go.

"Ten percent chance of what exactly?" He asked sensing he needed to know in order for all the pieces to come together, to have a clearer picture on all that she was sharing, on all that she was explaining.

"Ten percent chance of a fatal aneurysm if I were to fall pregnant… it was only ten percent." She informed him seeing her words sink in for him. He looked at her with an unrecognisable expression as he processed all that he had just learned. And being an outsider gave him a view where he could see and understand both sides if he was being honest but he knew he had to tread carefully as it was an emotionally devastating situation that he couldn't even begin to imagine how it felt. He wanted to ask more questions, wanted to say he could see where Matt was coming from to a degree, but he could see the exhaustion and the emotional torment that Gabby was going through. The pair let the silence settle over them, it wasn't an awkward silence instead it was comfortable just like it always had been between the two of them.

 **Chicago Fire**

The kitchen was filled with laughter, the diner filled with happiness that was infectious to all those who came to enjoy a meal, or even just a drink. Gabby and Peter worked through the tickets that flowed in during the lunchtime rush. It felt like a lifetime and yesterday all at once since they had last cooked together, moving in time with each other effortlessly.

"You haven't lost your touch." The verbal jab had her jokingly punching his shoulder in response as he laughed. "Thank you Peter Mills." She was sincerely grateful, and would be forever thankful for the way he and his family had taken her in, and had given her a job. Simplicity was what she needed, and it was what they had given here. Gabby, for the first time in a long time, felt at peace, felt she was where she wanted to be. She was in no way healed but being here, with Mills and his family, was what she needed.


End file.
